Monday, March 23, 2009

Marry, Screw or Kill Off the Show?

A. Caillou’s Dad
B. Dora’s Papi
C. The Man in the Yellow Hat

My vote for a one-night-stand definitely goes to the Man with the Yellow Hat. He’s tall, mysterious, and funny. Plus, as his wardrobe choices indicate, he’s a risk-taker, which is what you want in the sack. He’d be a contender for marriage too, because he has an interesting if ambiguous job (they sent him to the moon, for Crissakes), and boasts a place in the city AND a country estate. But if you read my previous post vis a vis the petting zoo, you will know that the live-in monkey is a deal-breaker. Plus, when you really stop to think about it, he’s kind of a jerk. If you read the original H.A. and Margaret Rey book, you will see that he’s an unapologetic colonizer who just ripped George out of his happy home and basically enslaved him.

To tell you the truth I wouldn’t marry any of them because their kids would annoy the shit out of me. With Dora in the house, I’d have a migraine around the clock, the way that child yells enthusiastically. And don’t get me started on Caillou – that kid’s a nitwit. He’s such a damn goody-goody -- he minds his parents, he cleans up his room, he plays nicely with his little sister and goes to sleep promptly and without sedatives. So Caillou’s dad is the one I’d sent off to unemployment, the whole family while I’m at it.

And you, blog readers? Take a moment from your busy days to address this most pressing matter. Characters from children’s programming you’d marry, screw or kill off the show?