How did we make it through the fourteen hour road trip down South? What was our secret? Nothing so very mysterious.
In a word: McDonalds.
Trying to take a car ride over five hours without stopping at Mickey Ds is like attempting to cross the dessert without any water. A family needs McDonalds on the road. Its what it means to be American, for God’s sake. The kids really don’t eat much of it, except for some fries and if things get dire,which they frequently do, a milkshake. David and I like to blow into a MicDonald's, order us two Happy Meals, scarf down the burgers, throw the kids a few fries, do a rousing round of jumping jacks or high-speed Simon Says to get the bloo
d flowing, and then toss them their Happy Meal toys just as we're buckling them into their car seats for the next round of roadtripping.
While we’re on the subject, do you agree that Happy Meal toys have become insanely, unbelievably sophisticated? Right now, they are giving out these Avatar toys and the little action figures actually have voice-activated lights in their heads. So when you talk, they light up. I may be easy to please, but that shit is IMPRESSIVE. And its free! Yeah, I’m a sucker f
or a Happy Meal.
Second reason you can’t live without Mickey D’s on the road. You would have no place to stop. I mean, by the end of the trip, we tried. We tried NOT to stop at McDonalds. We figured we’d find somewhere else to use the bathroom and stretch our legs. So we passed up the golden arch which was located conveniently just off the interstate exit and we drove around for 15 minutes in vain looking for another hospitable indoor spot. We couldn’t even FIND the Burger King, it was so damn far from the exit.
Plus Subway and Arby’s don’t offer extensive indoor playspaces. After a four hour stretch of serious driving, pulling up to a McDonald’s and finding a funland inside is like stumbling into Xanadu. O rapture! The twisty slide! The ball pit! Supersize this: