As heard through the bathroom door:

Seconda: Wipe my butt!

Primo: No, you didn’t do peepee. Do peepee first.

S: But I did do peepee!

P: Ok, Ok, I will wipe your butt, Come on.

Flush flush.

P: (Whisper) Don’t tell daddy, OK?

S: (whisper) I won’t.

P: DADDY! MOMMY! I WIPED SECONDAS BUTT!

S: OK, now you do a poop.

P: I'm DOING it. You aren't the boss. Leave me alone.

S: OK, I’m gonna wipe your butt Primo.

P: No no no, you can’t! You don’t know how!

S: Yeah, I’m gonna.

Me: SECONDA YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WIPE ANY BUTTS!

I shudder to think what would happen if we lived in a house bigger than 900 square feet where I wasn't always within earshot of these children.