My parents have always loved April Fool's Day, probably because it allows them to act out their mean streak. I could write a whole freaking memoir about the shitty pranks my parents played on me, and the shitty revenge pranks I played back on them but such a book would only make you dislike me and my entire family and also, I already wrote a memoir (you should go pre-order that, incidentally).
So when I see a list like this circulating -- April Fool's Day Pranks to Play On Your Kids -- I have my doubts. Reading these, I found that almost all of them fell into one of the following categories:
A. Super time consuming. Seriously, who has the fucking time to swap out Cheetos of carrot slices or sew a kid's sock closed? I don't have the time to brush my damn hair.
B. Nasty. Tell the kids you got them an iPad only to reveal its an Eye Pad? Come on, that's just shitty.
C. Mean. Maybe other people's kids are way more low-key but if I told my kids the principal wanted to see them, they'd actually sustain cardiac damage.
D. Not feasible. How would you put a helium balloon under the toilet lid? GROSS. If you are doing this, you need to regroup.
E. Dumb. Covering the sensor of the remote or gluing the shampoo bottle closed isn't funny, it's just plain fucking annoying.
But I did like adding food coloring to the cereal. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow and really throw them off their game.
Happy April Fools' Day, folks. Be decent out there.
So much coffee
18 hours ago