Its a Sitter's Market

School's been closed all week, and then, of course, this Tuesday, too. If my own desperation to unload my kids to someone else is any indication, babysitters, those who are mobile, are rolling in it, with no shortage of work this week.

I'm considering scribbling a handwritten sign to tape up in my lobby, "Sitter wanted ASAP. $1000/ hour." I just worry they might get a higher offer. Maybe I should scrawl, "Sitter wanted ASAP. I'll give you whatever you want. No references required. Experience unnecessary. Just come quickly."

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

My cousin was babysitting the kids recently and when I got back, I asked, “What’d you guys do?”

“We read Gothic novels!” exclaimed Primo/

“Reeeeeally?” I asked my cousin.

“Yeah, we were talking about where the Frankenstein story came from –“

“Mary SHELLEY’S Frankenstein,” Primo interjected.

“And I told him about Gothic literature and he was interested so we read about it on Wikipedia,” she said.

Give the internet credit where credit is due.

"What did you learn about it?”

“Well,” said Primo. “Gothic novels are very tragic and usually someone kills someone else and there is a lot of revenge.”

Pretty spectacular babysitter I’ve got, huh?

So, a few days later, we were plodding through an Easy Reader – not Mittens, thank you very much, I think it was from the Dancing Dinos series, in any case not the most enthralling material – and I pointed out to Primo that the more he practiced, the more choices he’d have about what he could read.

“Before you know it, you’ll be reading Frog and Toad, and Magic Tree House, and stuff like that,” I said, “And by the end of first grade, I bet you can read Ramona Quimby.”

“And Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein?”

"What?”

“Will I be able to read Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein by the end of first grade?”

“Oh,” I demurred, “I doubt it. I mean, that’s really hard. A lot of adults have a hard time reading it.”

He looked crestfallen. I reconsidered.

“Well, who knows?” I said, “You’re a smart little boy and I bet if you really put your mind to it, and practice super super hard, you might just be able to read some of it.”

“You mean I can read Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein by the end of first grade?” he cried jubilantly.

I love how he specifies that its Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein he’s referring to, not a knock-off or lesser iteration but the real deal.

“Um, I bet you could. If you try really hard. Some of it. Why not?”

That night, where it is usually a striggle for him to read three pages in his Easy Reades, he read five entire books. He brought the books to bed with him. He was a man with a mission. Its waned a bit since, but his goal – however lofty—is pretty great incentive.

I, do though, really hope it’s the sort of thing he forgets about, by June. Or that he makes major strides with the reading. Because from What’s That Mittens? to Frankenstein, well, its quite a leap. But, as the song says, don’t stop dreaming about tomorrow.

Spanish Ficodor

There are times when the children start talking to me and after a few seconds of nodding and “uh huh”-ing, I think to myself, “Wait – what’s he talking about? Is it me or does this not make any sense?” This is what happened last night, when after bath, as I brushed Primo’s teeth and helped him put his PJs on, he gave me a short lecture on something called the Spanish Ficodor.

“When it is a baby it is called Spanish Ficodor and then for a while it is called nothing and then when it grows up it is called the Italian Ficodor. Because Italian is the opposite of Spanish, I guess."

When I asked what a ficodor was, he gave the following explanation: "A ficodor is like Frankenstein, it is so misunderstanded. It’s like a havalina or a black cat, actually its basically a beast. Or, I should say, it is related to a beast. It has a crazy name because it is a crazy beast and because it is Italian and on Halloween, Italians make a big scene and a big deal out of people.”

As I was taking this in, Primo added: “Don’t write that on your blog, It is a secret.”

(For the record, this information was later cleared for publication by Primo, who, upon further consideration, though the world should know).

I'm crushing on Adam Rex

As you may recall, my son is obsessed with spooks, specifically Dracula and Frankenstein. So we’re always on the lookout for literature which addresses this subject, but in a light-hearted and non-terrifying way, since, after all, my boy is literally scared of his own shadow most days.

The answer to our prayers is Adam Rex.

If your kid is over the age of 4 or 5 and you want to read a picture book that you will enjoy as much, if not more, than they will, you must run, don’t walk, to your local bookstore and get Frankenstein Takes the Cake. Or hell, go on Amazon, and see if they give you one of those “Buy this title with this other title and save!” and then grab Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich, too -- Rex’s first Frank book.

The premise is simple – Rex just plops these spooks down in modern day society and lets the madness unfold. Like, for instance, what problems might face the caterer who works the Frankenstein/ Bride of Frankenstein wedding, or what issues might pop up if Medusa were to go to Kindergarten.

Rex had me from the inside flap where his author photo shows a hulky Franken-guy with hipster glasses, underneath which is printed "A haiku about Adam Rex":

“He knows Frankenstein’s
the doctor, not the monster.
Enough already.”

But when I really started to swoon is when we got to the modern-day story of the Headless Horseman, told through his blog which is titled: “Off the Top of My Head,” We follow the Horseman through his trials and tribulations, as chefs making pumpkin bisque ogle his head and crows go all Hitchcock to peck out the seeds from his eyes. But the best part is when the inevitable happens and the Horseman is forced to go shopping for a new head-fruit to replace the current one that has decayed: “I just can’t hide the funk in/ side this sad and sunken/ pumpkin.”

“He’s like Eminem!” I shouted to David.

“Why don’t you marry him already!” was his reply.

“Is he single?”

I’ll tell you this much. Primo would go nuts to have Adam Rex as a step-dad. He is totally, one hundred percent infatuated with the books, harboring particular affection for a story entitled “Count Dracula doesn't know he's been walking around all night with spinach in his teeth.” He also loved that the Headless Horseman’s blogroll featured the site: “I Vant to Suck Your Blog.”

“That’s funny because it’s like instead of blood he wants to suck up somebody’s computer!!!!!” shrieked Primo.

Up- fricking-roarious. And you haven’t even gotten to “The Invisible Man Gets a Haircut” yet. What can I say? Me and the boy have found a new level of kid lit nirvana.