Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Epidemics, Lay-offs, Gunk-Eye and Other Reasons to Be Glum

I am feeling more than a little anxious this morning. Here’s why.

1. Husband reports another round of layoffs is in the works for his company, to break end of May.

2. Nonnie reports that the Po-Po buzzed her bell last night at 11pm, looking for the guy that lives in the apartment beneath her. I thought there’d be a punchline. No punchline. My 78 year-old grandmother resides directly above a crime den.

3. Since he’s been suffering extreme seasonal allergies for the past week and rubbing his itchy eyes like a madman, Primo now has a RAGING case of conjunctivitis which has made one eye swollen shut. Between this and the sneezing attacks, he's been up kept him up all night, and I've resorted to just sleeping with him with means

A.I am abso-friggin-lutely knackered and
B. I have been laying my head on his gunk-eye pillow.

His allergies also mean that he is a colossally bad mood and prone to yelling “I DON”T LOVE YOU ANYMORE” if I don’t draw Frankenstein adeptly enough for his taste. It also means that he is HOME FROM SCHOOL for the second day in a row.

4. When I updated my status on Facebook to say that reflect the fact that I “have a boy at home with very gunky eyes,” this update, which I found notable only in that it was perhaps the most boring one I’ve ever posted, elicited a backlash.

“TMI!” wrote one friend who has three children of her own.

“This is so GROSS, Nicole!” wrote my cousin, “You shouldn’t post it on Facebook – and I don’t
think Primo would appreciate it.”

Since I’m already feeling pissed and aggravated and anxious, this backlash sent me into a blind rage. Had my gunk-eye child not needed immediate attention, dragging me away from my computer, I would have written, “Oh, you want TMI? I’ll give you TMI! I was so fucking busy yesterday caring for my gunk-eye son and my shitty-britches daughter who enjoys blowing snot onto the floor and then sticking her fingers in it, that I forgot to put a tampon in! How’s that for TMI? More where that came from, folks.”

5. Last but certainly not least is the swine flu. Come on, man. This shit is terrifying. This shit scares me down to my toenails. How do I protect my darling gunk-eyed, snot-shooting children from what threatens to be an epidemic? It has gotten me down, down, down.