Tuesday, January 26, 2010

After the first Pilates class

I don’t think I can move. Pain. So much pain, David. This level of pain does not seem normal. It seems deep, deep down in my organs. Is it possible to pull your small intestines?

No, I did not stretch first as a matter of fact. Does it look like I’ve just swimming in free time here?

David, I am positively parched. Damn workout dried up my esophageal lining. I need a glass of water. Of course I can’t get up and get it. I’m injured. I am injured from exercise. I am telling you, I’ve done something awful to my abdomen. No, I don’t think it’s SUPPOSED to ache like this. This seems extreme. Do women have groins? I think I pulled my groin. I probably can’t have sex for WEEKS. Just wouldn’t want to risk it. Next thing you know, I’ll pull my vajajay and then we’d really be in trouble.

Is it not a little ironic that in the pursuit of health I undertake an exercise which ends up injuring me so that I can’t get my fat ass off the couch to get a glass of water? I am NOT being histrionic. You pull YOUR groin and see how you feel.

I’m feeling so lousy I think I need a drink. To dull the pain. No pain, no gain they say. Get me a beer, won’t you?

Don’t know if I can muster the courage to face the mat next week. We’ll just have to see if my groin pulls through.