The Verdict

Continuing my review of city watering holes, so to speak:

Chelsea Waterside Playground, Tuesday 10am

Pros: Its in Manhattan so I automatically feel cooler and more in-the-know, being there. Amazing, avant-guard climbing apparati that reminded me of a playground I took Primo to in Rome when he was a toddler (See how the cosmopolitan experience builds on itself? As soon as I go to Manhattan, I’m remembering my days in Europe). Multiple sprinklers and a very cool-looking mosaic wading pool increase options for water play.

Cons: It’s in Manhattan and I have a tendency to get into fights when we mingle with Manhattanites. Like, I heard some toddler start yelling his head off and Sec runs over to me and a minute later, a nanny marches off with her crying charge and shouts, “DID SHE HIT HIM?” and I said, “I don’t know, did you, Seconda?” And my daughter responded with a look of blind panic which didn’t indicate an answer one way or the other. Bu the child, with no obvious injuries, was standing there a-yelling and a-waiting, and so I told Sec to apologize for potentially hitting the child, but the nanny just kept standing there yelling “DID SHE HIT HIM?” like I was supposed to give her a polygraph or something. That’s Manhattan for you. Also the wading pool was tiny, increasing possibilities for altercations, especially when big kids cannonballed off the sides. Where are THEIR moms or nannies, I ask you?

Grade: B

Red Hook Pool, Wednesday 10:30am

Pros: Everything. Dreamiest of dreams come true. A perfect 10. Five minutes by bus from my place. Across the lawn from Ikea, so if you have a hankering for Swedish meatballs or need a bunch of throw pillows, you’re all set. Clean facilities, courteous park employees there to help you out, an OLYPMIC sized swimming pool so even with 200 people, you’ve got plenty of room, and, in addition to that, a gigunda kiddie pool, 10 inches deep, with all manner of sprinklers inside. Sheer halcyon. And if that wasn’t enough, the people at Red Hook Pool gave us lunch. ALL of us. Chocolate milk and sliced apples and a bologna sandwich on wheat bread. They do this every day apparently. I heart the Hook.

Cons: Doesn’t open ‘til 11, so I have hours upon hours of wakefulness before I can enjoy its watery bliss. Bu that’s why God invented early morning programming for children.

Grade: A+

The verfict?

Fuck the Hamptons.

(that is, unless you’ve got an extra bedroom you’d like to offer up for this weekend, in which case, I was just kidding)