Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Snow, it is OVER between us

It has officially happened. The love affair between snow and I is over, for this year at least. And I do mean completely over: not waning, or ebbing, but freaking kaput. Its slightly ahead of schedule – usually I can last til end of January -- but with global warming making it snow all the freaking time starting in December, it was inevitable.

Yesterday’s ice-and-slush-apooloza was the final straw. I didn’t know you could have ice and slush simultaneously, but apparently, it’s possible and it is the worst of all worlds, because with no warning, you go from sliding around precariously to sinking ankle-deep into freezing puddles of melted snow mixed with dog piss. Also, you can’t push a Maclaren stroller through that shit. So, yesterday morning, after taking three steps outside into the gall-inducing street conditions, I was forced to about-face with my stroller, bring it right back home and take Sec on foot to nursery school.

I am aware that this doesn’t sound so awful. Many almost-four year-olds are capable of walking 15 minutes to school, If you ask my father, he did it barefoot and with joyful abandon. My daughter, however, is a Non-Walker. This means that although she CAN walk, she WILL not. Whether it is sheer laziness (probable) or the deep-seated delusion that she is a princess who should be carted around in a gilded carriage, she can’t go for more than half a block without collapsing in a pile, whining like an injured animal. At her age, Primo walked everywhere, mainly because he was so insanely tall, he wouldn’t fit in the double stroller anymore. And also, we forced him. With Sec, we are old and decrepit and lacking stamina. We are no match for her supernatural tenacity. It is just so much easier to push her ever-growing form up the hill than to beg, plead, threaten and cajole her to walk. It also takes approximately one tenth of the time.

But yesterday, there was no choice. She had to walk, holding her umbrella, and it took us a full 30 minutes to get to school, not to mention I sustained what is probably irreversible damage to my cardiac health.

By the time we got to school, her boots were soaked, her socks underneath were soaked, her pants under her snow pants were soaked and I was dripping, not just with rain, but rancor. There has GOT to be an easier way, I thought. This weather is not just inconvenient; it is an affront to reason. It is an OUTRAGE. That is when I fell out of love with snow. Snow can come back, but I’m not going to receive it with open arms, I’ll you that. I’m not going to cross my fingers for a snow day. And over Feb break, I may just go to Florida.