Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Learning to tie shoes

Sometimes I feel seriously inadequate as a mother. Like when I consider outsourcing the responsibility of teaching my son how to tie his shoes.

I mean, I have the stamina and patience to teach the kids a ton of valuable shit. I have taught Primo how to read. I teach the kids the words to Andrew Lloyd Weber songs and some pretty cool words. Primo just told me yesterday that he spotted a "flamboyant falcon," and knows what "manacles" are. So there's that.

But I just find myself running out of energy when it comes to teaching them how to do mundane crap like tie their shoes. I put it off by buying Velcro shoes for a long time but the other day I noticed that my son's toes were literally sticking out of the top of his shoes and that's a level of wear and tear you can't bounce back from. So, I had to break out his back-up shoes, which have old-school laces. I sat down and explained the concept of bunny ears. He TOTALLY didn't get it, not even close. Then I assigned David the task. Primo still couldn't master the bunny ears. I asked my cousin to give it a shot. No cigar.

Then I figured it would just require trial and error, so I've let him try tying his shows every morning for the past week or two. Trouble is, morning isn't an ideal time for trial and error. Trial and error is quite time-consuming, and one thing we don't have in plentiful abundance in the morning is time. Because not only does it take Primo five to ten minutes to tie his shoes, it takes me five to ten minutes after that to untie the four thousand knots he's tied into a massive heap. Eventually I tired of the experiment, went to Old Navy and bought him Vans knock-off slip-ons for $15.

The kid's gonna be in high school before he can tie his shoes. Unless I hire a professional. Is that even an option?