Friday, February 12, 2010

No gifts please! Just come angry!

I’ve been working on this article about birthday party ideas for kids in the city, so I’ve been in heavy-duty planning mode for the past few weeks, noting party supplies stores, investigating where one might purchase a dragon piñata, which bakery will make a cake in the shape of a mermaid, things like this. In the middle of this hard-hitting journalistic work, I was watching Celebrity Rehab.

Now, I’m not proud of this. And I don’t go out of my way to watch it – it’s not on my Tivo or anything -- but it happened to be on when I turned the TV on and I couldn’t summon up the energy to channel surf so I left it. The thing is, I have this ability – maybe I’d do better to call it a liability – to become hopelessly invested in any programming that I watch for over 10 minutes. It doesn’t matter what it is, if I watch it for 10 minutes, I am fully hooked. There must be a name for this syndrome. So it was that I was DEEPLY interested in Celebrity Rehab, and the plight of the Heidi Fleiss and the roid-ed up beefsteak with anger problems who used to be on The Real World.

What does this have to do with birthday party planning, you may wonder. I’ll tell you. To work on their anger problems – as a kind of scream therapy – Dr. Drew took the rehabbers to a junkyard; gave them a crowbar and told them to whack the bloody hell out of whatever they wanted. It was wonderful.
“This would make a GREAT birthday party!” I said to David.

“I think you’ve gone postal.”

“For grown-ups, of course,” I explained, “How insanely cool would it be to bring a few of your closet friend to a dump, give them each a 2 x 4 and invite them to go apeshit? I would LOVE to smash up old TVs and bust out car windows with no repercussions. So much better than martinis at a lounge in Alphabet City that I’m too old for.”

So its decided. Get ready for the Evite:

Nicole’s Tear Shit Up Birthday Bash!
You bring the rage, we provide the crowbars.